Timeline: 4000-3801 BCE


4000 BCE

  • May 25. The Earth mother Gaea, with the seed of the primordial Being Ouranos (851), spawns the Titan Cronus.

3999 BCE

3995 BCE

  • August 11. The Heliopolitan Set (407) murders his brother Osiris (432). He chops up Osiris's remains into numerous pieces and scatters them around Egypt.
  • Osiris's sisters Isis (420) and Nephthys (396) search Egypt and recover most of his remains. Isis forges a golden penis for him. With the help of the great but mysterious Thoth, Osiris is temporarily resurrected. Isis and Osiris have sex and conceive a child. Osiris dies again, and begins a cycle of endless resurrection and death.1

3994 BCE

May 20. Horus is born to Isis (421). His father is the not-quite-alive Osiris (433).

3992 BCE

The evil Sauron forges the One Ring in the fires of Mt. Doom at Mordor. It is the master of the nineteen other Rings of Power.

3922 BCE

April 27. The Spirit of Music, an abstract entity, first manifests on Earth.

3899 BCE

War breaks out between the Elves and the forces of Sauron in Middle-Earth on Arda.

3895 BCE

Elrond (1759), fleeing the destruction of Eregion, founds the Elven refuge of Rivendell in Middle-Earth.

3891 BCE

Sauron's forces retreat to the east, ending the War of Elves and Sauron.

3884 BCE

A group of male Malthusians colonize the planet Oa, where they establish a direct link to a white hole, containing it within their Green Power Battery. They come to call themselves the Guardians of the Universe.
The Guardians gather Oa's mystical potential (infused as it is with the emerald energy) and cast it out into space. It becomes known as the Starheart, and becomes shattered.

3877 BCE

  • Dac is admitted to the Galactic Republic.

3874 BCE

September 4. The seemingly endless conflict between Horus (120) and his usurper uncle Set (528) causes the Sky Father Ra to get involved. Ra holds a council to determine who is the greater of the two gods and who deserves kingship. The council orders the two to have a cease fire for one night. Set and Horus agree.
September 4. Set invites Horus over to his home as a peace offering. When they share the same bed that night, Set and Horus have intercrural sex, with Horus acting as the "bottom" and catching some semen in his hands and saving it for later.
September 5. Horus brings his uncle's semen to show his mother Isis. Isis freaks out, cuts off Horus's hands, and throws them in the Nile. She then fashions clay hands and attaches them to Horus's stumps. She then masturbates off her son into a pot.
September 6. Isis finds that Set is a big fan of lettuce, and infuses the local lettuce with Horus's semen. Set eats the lettuce, and soon becomes pregnant in his head.
September 7. The Council reconvenes, and Set tries to declare Horus his inferior as recipient of his semen. The mysterious Thoth suggests they test for semen residue. Horus shows clean, but semen drips out of Set's forehead, and an infant version of Thoth is born.

3834 BCE


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