Timeline: 4000-3501 BCE

BEFORE

4000 BCE

  • May 25. The Earth mother Gaea, with the seed of the primordial Being Ouranos (851), spawns the Titan Cronus.

3995 BCE

  • August 11. The Heliopolitan Set (407) murders his brother Osiris (432). He chops up Osiris's remains into numerous pieces and scatters them around Egypt.

Osiris's sisters Isis (420) and Nephthys (396) search Egypt and recover most of his remains. Isis forges a golden penis for him. With the help of the great but mysterious Thoth, Osiris is temporarily resurrected. Isis and Osiris have sex and conceive a child. Osiris dies again, and begins a cycle of endless resurrection and death.[1]

3994 BCE

May 20. Horus is born to Isis (421). His father is the not-quite-alive Osiris (433).

3992 BCE

The evil Sauron forges the One Ring in the fires of Mt. Doom at Mordor. It is the master of the nineteen other Rings of Power.

3922 BCE

April 27. The Spirit of Music, an abstract entity, first manifests on Earth.

3899 BCE

War breaks out between the Elves and the forces of Sauron in Middle-Earth on Arda.

3895 BCE

Elrond (1759), fleeing the destruction of Eregion, founds the Elven refuge of Rivendell in Middle-Earth.

3891 BCE

Sauron's forces retreat to the east, ending the War of Elves and Sauron.

3884 BCE

A group of male Malthusians colonize the planet Oa, where they establish a direct link to a white hole, containing it within their Green Power Battery. They come to call themselves the Guardians of the Universe.
The Guardians gather Oa's mystical potential (infused as it is with the emerald energy) and cast it out into space. It becomes known as the Starheart, and becomes shattered.

3877 BCE

  • Dac is admitted to the Galactic Republic.

3874 BCE

September 4. The seemingly endless conflict between Horus (120) and his usurper uncle Set (528) causes the Sky Father Ra to get involved. Ra holds a council to determine who is the greater of the two gods and who deserves kingship. The council orders the two to have a cease fire for one night. Set and Horus agree.
September 4. Set invites Horus over to his home as a peace offering. When they share the same bed that night, Set and Horus have intercrural sex, with Horus acting as the "bottom" and catching some semen in his hands and saving it for later.
September 5. Horus brings his uncle's semen to show his mother Isis. Isis freaks out, cuts off Horus's hands, and throws them in the Nile. She then fashions clay hands and attaches them to Horus's stumps. She then masturbates off her son into a pot.
September 6. Isis finds that Set is a big fan of lettuce, and infuses the local lettuce with Horus's semen. Set eats the lettuce, and soon becomes pregnant in his head.
September 7. The Council reconvenes, and Set tries to declare Horus his inferior as recipient of his semen. The mysterious Thoth suggests they test for semen residue. Horus shows clean, but semen drips out of Set's forehead, and an infant version of Thoth is born.

3834 BCE

  • May 14. Akharin is born in Mesopotamia, Earth.

3800 BCE

  • Akharin (34) is fatally wounded in battle. He soon resuscitates, as he is an immortal.

3781 BCE

  • September 18. The triplets Phoebe, Luna, and Seline are born on the mystical island of Avalon.

3760 BCE

  • September 15. The Canaanite gods create the Garden of Eden in Mesopotamia. Within they place two sacred Trees, the Tree of Knowledge and the Tree of Life.1
  • September 21. The Canaanite god El creates a pair of humans, one male and one female, drawing his mass from the earth. Naming the male Adam, El assigns him stewardship of the Garden of Eden.2 El names the woman Lilith.3
  • September 22. Adam and Lilith, in the throes of passion, realize the sexual act, but are unable to agree on who should be prone in their coitus. Adam declares Lilith his subservient, and she rejects this idea outright, claiming their simultaneous creation has cast them as equals. Her intense will allows her to fly out of the Garden and pursue her own desires. Adam complains to El, who sends three angels to return Lilith to the Garden. Lilith, now swimming in what will be called the Persian Gulf, takes down the angels, who agree to allow her freedom, as long as she kills any demonic babies she creates (up to a hundred a day). She agrees.4
  • September 23. El's son Yahweh, who largely hates women, decides to give the now alone Adam a male companion instead. Creating Steve from one of Adam's ribs, Steve and Adam are fast friends. They also immediately begin having sex, with both men alternating dominant positions. After discovering this, the also deeply anti-same sex intercourse Yahweh throws Steve out of the Garden, and doesn't inform anyone of his creation of Steve.5

September 28. El creates a second woman as a companion for Adam. Adam will eventually name her Eve.[4]
September 29. An abstract entity, the Spirit of Music, briefly appears in the Garden of Eden.[5]
A talking snake with legs convinces Eve, who in turn convinces Adam, to eat a fruit from the forbidden Tree of Knowledge. An angry El casts them out of the Garden as punishment.[6]

3758 BCE

  • October 1. Eve (2) and Adam's (2) first child, Cain, is born.6

3756 BCE

  • March 7. Eve (3) and Adam's (3) second child, Abel, is born.7

3740 BCE

  • March 24. Cain (17) murders Abel (16) after El inexplicably rejects an offering of Cain's while favoring one of Abel's. El banishes Cain, but places a tattoo on Cain so as to ward off any retribution sought by others. Cain leaves, eventually founding the Kenites.8

3739 BCE

  • December 28. Eve (31) and Adam's (31) third child, Seth, is born.9

3668 BCE

  • Genetically-engineered reptilians living on Malthus gain self-awareness. They begin exploring science and try to discover their origins. They come to call themselves the Psions.

3596 BCE

  • The Source is constructed on Traken. It forces the departure of the old gods of Traken, including Kwanduur.

3553 BCE

  • The Lord of Order Nabu first arrives on Earth. He forges a helmet to channel his mystical power.

3520 BCE

  • April 1. Gaea instigates rebellion by her son Cronus (479) against his father, Ouranos (1331). He uses a sickle and castrates his father, tossing the severed testicles into the sea. The testicles mix with the goddess Thalassa's sea realm, spawning the goddess Aphrodite from the foam. Aphrodite gets up on a giant clam shell, and is blown to the shore by Zephyrus and Aura.[7]

AFTER

1^ Events of the ancient Egyptian Osiris myth.
3^ Ibid.
4^ Ibid.
5^ Mr. B Natural claims to have visited the Garden of Eden in Mr. B Natural (1956).
6^ Events of "Fall of Man" story in the Bible's Book of Genesis.
7^ Aphrodite/Venus creation myths. Zephyrus and Aura's role is from the painting The Birth of Venus (c. 1485).

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