Timeline: 1900-1801 BCE


1900 BCE

  • Zeus (618) seduces and impregnates the human woman Semele. Finding out, Zeus's enraged wife Hera (624) convinces Semele that to prove Zeus's love, she must get him to show her his true form. In another encounter, Semele gets Zeus to promise to give her one wish no matter what, and does so when she asks to see said true form. In his full divine appearance, Semele is obliterated, but her unborn fetus somehow survives long enough to be sewn into Zeus's thigh, where it miraculously gestates.

1899 BCE

  • May 15. The demigod Dionysus is born from the thigh of his father Zeus (619).

1898 BCE

  • Jacob (48) shows clear favoritism to his son Joseph (16), giving him a colorful coat. Joseph then stupidly tells of dreams of oppressing his brothers. Ten of his brothers conspire, and sell him into slavery, apparently to many buyers. Ultimately, Joseph ends up in Egypt.1
  • Joseph ends up serving under an Egyptian named Potipahr and is promoted from slave to head servant.2
  • Births: Toriel (April 23)

1894 BCE

  • The city of Babylon is founded in the Tigris-Euphrates Valley.

1889 BCE

  • Potipahr's horny wife tries to seduce Joseph (25). He runs away from her naked. In revenge, she tells her husband that Joseph raped her. Joseph is thrown in prison.3
  • Joseph starts interpreting dreams, eventually doing so for the court of the Pharaoh Senusret II. Pharaoh invites him into his court after he predicts seven years of bounty and seven years of famine.4

1887 BCE

  • Naboo is admitted to the Galactic Republic.

1883 BCE

  • August 14. Ishmael (137), son of Abraham, dies.5

1882 BCE

  • Jacob (66) sends his ten older sons to Egypt. There they encounter Joseph (32), who screws with their minds. Joseph eventually reveals himself to them, and he forgives them. The whole family packs up and moves to Egypt.6

1876 BCE

  • March 19. A siren comes into existence.

1868 BCE

  • After Yahweh murders Judah's son Er, he demands Er's brother Onan sire a child with Er's wife Tamar. Onan refuses to ejaculate inside his brother's widow, and Yahweh murders him too.7
  • Tamar begins pretending to be a prostitute, and tricks her father-in-law Judah (49) into having sex, wherein she conceives a child. Judah nearly burns her at the stake until he realizes that he is the father of the child.8

1855 BCE

  • Zora, claiming to be a prophet of the great Jabu-Jabu, takes control of the various aquatic races of Hyrule. The people begin calling themselves the Zora as a result, and he is named King Zora I.9

1826 BCE

  • November 26. Isaac (180), son of Abraham dies.10

1816 BCE

  • Yoda (100) becomes a Jedi Master.

1812 BCE


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